On Friending

I believe your friends list is for you.

In actuality, Livejournal friends lists are nothing but simple RSS aggregators so a user does not have to access a multitudes of different sites but can watch them conveniently for one place. Calling them "Friends Lists" is something of a misnomer but it's the way of the livejournal world. Above all, I think "friends lists" are nothing more than a convenience for the user which is why I believe your friends list should be for you, just like my friends list is for me. It is a collection of things I like to read, nothing more and nothing less.

You may notice that I have recently added you or maybe you noticed I recently removed you. Trust me, my intention is not to stalk you or declare the start of livejournal drama. Below are some of my journaling habits.

My Livejournal habits:

  • My journal is free for friending. You do not have to ask permission.
  • You may remove me from your friends list without offending me at any time. Your friends list is for you.
  • I keep track of when people add me and I will click over to their journals to read their user info.
  • I add people I wish to read. Please do not expect me to automatically add you back.
  • I do make "Friends Only" posts. These are mostly filled with spam or one line bits of... well... spam. (Trust me, they are not that interesting.)
  • Occassionally, I do post to filters. I keep my filters private and add and remove people at whim. (No fun fandom related stuff will be posted to filters.)
  • I make private posts. My journal is for me. Yay. =P
  • I clearly mark "Spoilers" in my posts and use a livejournal cut, but there may exist in comments without notification.
  • You are welcome to comment on any post about anything. I understand that is is easier to do that than to email. There is no such thing as "Off Topic" in my journal. However, unsolicited ads or flames will be deleted without a response.
  • I nearly always respond to comments and often time will not shut up.
  • I don't mind if two people have a long OT conversation with each other via comments on my journal. Babble away and have fun.
  • If I have removed you and you still have me friended I do check your journal on occassion and sometimes I'll add you again.
  • If you wish to email me, you can do so at joyeuxnoel @

I tend to add people if...

  • I know you in real life.
  • I knew you before Livejournal (Meaning over four years, and I most likely send you a Christmas card.)
  • We talk on AIM frequently or on a casual basis.
  • I roleplay with you.
  • I play an MMORPG with you.
  • We share common fandom friends.
  • You have a "Friends Only" journal.
  • You write or draw fan art or fan fiction that I enjoy (and do not have a dedicated journal for such.
  • I consider you a source for information (news/comics/livejournal/etc.)
  • We share many common fandom interests and I'd like to get to know you better.
  • I want to read your posts.

I don't tend to add people who...

  • Post nothing but quizzes.
  • Appear not to have updated over a month.
  • Mostly post about their real life. (It's not because I don't care but if we've never really spoken, it makes me feel like I'm a voyeur looking into your diary.)
  • Don't use hard line breaks between massive paragraphs of text.
  • Do not know how to use livejournal tags.
  • Have empty journals.
  • Are lurkers who never update but keep a close watch on most fandom things. (I don't bite, you're welcome to say hello!)
  • I have nothing in common with.

I've been known to remove people...

  • I no longer share common interests with (usually my interests change, not yours.)
  • Whose last twenty or so posts I've skimmed and not read.
  • Who I don't really speak with now.
  • Haven't updated in three months.
  • Have deleted their journal.

    Please note, defriending you does not mean I suddenly hate you or think less of you or that I'm no longer your friend/acquaintance, etc. I have people I know in real life who aren't on my friendslist, and conversely I've had real life friends unfriend me because they have no idea what I'm talking about. It also doesn't mean you're on any sort of banned list. On a long enough timeline, I'll probably add you back if our paths/interests happen to cross again.

Things I Do Not Do:

  • I will not remove you from my friends lists because you never comment. (I'm just as bad as you most likely.)
  • I do not expect you to add me back but it's spiffy if you did.
  • I do not read my friendslist on a filter. I see every post that shows up and skim/read/comment on it depending on content. I do not shuffle people to another section just to prevent their posts from showing up.
  • I do not expect you to include me in your filters. They are your filters and, thus, your choice. You may add me to whatever filter you feel comfortable having me read. However, if I'm here for art/fiction/fandom babble please consider this your go ahead to add me to those filters. (I will usually comment as such.)
  • I do not do knee jerk retaliatory friending. Often time I will look over your journal/userinfo/memories to get a sense of how you use your journal and if it's something I would constantly read. If I recognize your name and we share friends, I will most likely add you. If I've talked to you before, I will most likely add you. There is no gaurantee, however.
  • I do not do knee jerk retaliatory de-friending. (Nor do I moan/bitch/complain if I've defriended your "Friends Only" journal and you've removed me-- obviously that makes sense.) If you unfriend me, I may or may not unfriend you. This is not because I want to stalk you and be a pain in the ass, it's probably because I still may find your posts interesting even if you don't understand mine. ^_~